Friday, August 29, 2014

Joke-Cards Wild

Back in the early '90s, I would read Beckett Baseball Card Monthly, to check up on my wise investments. Which of the mass-produced sports cards I purchased in the highly over-saturated market are worth big money? Which are mere common cards, which I can toss in a box and not look at again until my mom wants to clean out her storage space?

One issue of Beckett showed me how to take a sports card and make it hilarious. So I did! I did. I turned some of my cards into jokes, which I'm sure were only seen by myself and my brother and possibly a disinterested cousin. UNTIL NOW! I cleaned out a box in the basement, and can now share the hilarity.

[Note - images are poor because I scanned them to pdf and then took a screenshot, because we're not exactly dealing with fine art so I didn't fuss over dpi and whatnot.]



This bunch is classic. You take the player's photo and you make it hilarious by adding some speech bubbles, or some artwork. A+ work, tween me!


Okay, okay. This batch it a little confusing. Just marking on cards with highlighters isn't really funny. Why use a Randy Johnson card in the first place? The man is wasn't a LEGEND yet, but he was still really good at that point in time, and I defaced the card. It could be worth like $1.30 in mint condition! Wade Taylor and Kevin Brown replaced with comically mismatched heads? That's pretty funny.


Whoa, I bought some football cards? Gosh, this is funny. His mouth is open and he looks so goofy! This joke definitely holds up.


Basketball cards! These are all perfect. Dwayne Schintzius (R.I.P.) was actually from Florida and not a California surfer dude, but hey! He's got a mullet and a funny look on his face, so this joke is perfect! Joe Wolf DOES look like he could be the Statue of Liberty! Rick Mahorn and Larry Bird do seem to be enjoying a funny joke together! And Bill Hanzlik, 1986 All-Defense Second Teamer, does look like an ACME brand "safe" safe is falling on his head!


Huh. I guess Darrell May's swing follow-through does look a bit like Barry Bonds', but it also looks like almost every left-handed hitter's. And, uh...

Look, as a grown man, I can see that Oil Can Boyd does not look much like Hollywood director Spike Lee. To a kid whose only exposure to Spike Lee was Nike commercials, and whose only other exposure to black men was through The Cosby Show, A Different World, and The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, it's another story. Any black man wearing oversized frames looked like Spike Lee to me. 


Okay. Okay, okay. Uh. Okay. So,

Yeah, maybe Bucks guard Lester Conner doesn't look exactly like Magic Johnson. Maybe these past two cards give the impression I was a racist kid. But does he look ENTIRELY unlike Magic? Definitely not.

And yeah, you're probably wondering if my speech bubble for Rockets guard Dave Jamerson is an HIV joke. Look at the racist kid, making fun of the black guy with HIV.

Well, I honestly don't know if it's an HIV joke. It was a long time ago. Does Jamerson saying, "OH NO! GET AWAY! GET AWAY!" fit his expression in the photo? Yes, it does. Would it still be applicable if the Lakers legend had not contracted HIV? Yes, it would. Even the ref has a funny look on his face in this photo, so let's not let what may or may not be a slap in the face of the HIV-positive community affect how we view this very funny joke. Very funny!

Last, here's my favorite:


Jack Clark was a four-time All Star with nearly 350 career dingers. So why did I put a thought bubble that reads, "I STINK" on his card? Why did I ETCH it into the cardboard, rather than simply write it on a piece of paper and glue it to the card, like I did with all the rest?

I like to think that I saw the look on Jack's face, and determined that it was one of existential dread or self-doubt. Sorry, Jack Clark! You stink!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Burnin' Love

I'm positive we all have very vivid memories of Wednesday, October 8, 2008, when I first discussed the video to Blue Oyster Cult's "Burnin' For You". 

Since Pete Holmes talked to him about his insane performances at Sing Sing prison, I've been listening to Dave Hill's podcast (The Goddamn Dave Hill Show - the Malcolm Gladwell from March 18 is a good introduction) and following him on Twitter. Yesterday, he wrote a fun piece on the BOC video:

It has everything a summer rock jam should: sweet guitar solos, killer harmonies, bombastic drums and throbbing bass; you can even hear the band members’ mustaches if you listen closely enough. These weren’t boys playing rock & roll — these were goddamn men. In fact, I heard a rumor that Buck Dharma and the guys all tried to go clean-shaven once and those mustaches grew back within a half-hour.
As hinted in the title, “Burnin’ for You” is about a guy who totally wants to get with some chick and hopefully have consensual intercourse with her at some point, a reliable topic if you’re looking to write one of the greatest summer rock jams of all time. But what sets “Burnin’ for You” apart from all the other songs about that stuff is that the guy in question doesn’t even have a home or anything, only he’s such a badass he seriously doesn’t give a fuck — all he cares about is boning this chick, which is awesome.
What makes “Burnin’ for You” even better is the video Blue Öyster Cult made to go with it. It starts off with all five of the band members walking out onto this graffiti-covered stretch of cement under a bridge at night and every one of them is just like, “I’m in Blue Öyster Cult — fuck you.” Then, once they start playing the song, a bunch of street toughs show up to watch them, only the band is rocking so hard they don’t even fucking notice. Meanwhile, the guy I was talking about earlier is just driving around town looking for this chick in this sweet old car that I’m guessing he probably lives in.
About halfway through the song, the chick, who is totally hot in a 1981 sort of way, shows up under the bridge too. Lead BÖC dude Buck Dharma notices her for like a second, but then he’s all like, “I would totally make out with her, but I can’t because I’m about to rip one of the sweetest guitar solos ever in like two seconds.”  Then, from out of nowhere, the dude in the car shows up under the bridge too, before bursting into flames right there in the driver’s seat because by that point his boner is totally out of control. And even though the fucking guy is burning to death right behind them in his car, the guys in Blue Öyster Cult are like, “Hey, we can’t worry about that shit right now — we’re in the middle of playing one of the greatest songs of all time.” But just when you think the guy in the car is toast, he suddenly shows up right next to that chick and you breath a sigh of relief as you realize the guy melting inside the car is just a mannequin or something.
When the video ends, all the guys in Blue Öyster Cult just stand there looking awesome and the hot chick is just stumbling around in front of them all alone like she’s kind of hammered but still having a pretty good time. But get this — the dude from before is nowhere to be found. I’m guessing he was just like, “Great — first I don’t have a home and now my car is completely torched. I’m getting the fuck outta here before any more crazy shit happens.”
Holy shit, this song is fucking awesome.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

What Women Want

List of things ladies love:

mozzerella sticks
tv shows empowering women or featuring women acting like ****s
turkey sandwiches
pomegranate stuff
large keychains
small chunks of ice, such as is used by Sonic Drive Ins
white queso dip

Monday, June 09, 2014

Light Reading

So yeah, I kinda gave up on reading.

Until last week’s business trip, I hadn’t read a novel or short story since Red Harvest, which I bought at a Barnes and Noble a few Christmases back only because I refused to pay $17.99 for one of their CDs, even if I was using a gift card.

The last contemporary book I read was The Art of Fielding. That book was not good. A college baseball player gets the yips, and his gay roommate has a sexual relationship with the college president, and his teammate bones the president’s daughter, and so does he. Uh, great? Good job, everybody. You’re all creeps.

So you have that feeling of “Oops, I spent a lot of time reading this thing that I ended up hating,” which leads to, “Maybe I’ll only read critically acclaimed or famous texts,” which leads to, “Screw it, I’ve only got 15 minutes to spare, I’ll just read Twitter instead.” And honestly, I have no regrets.

From The Onion, duh.

And when I don’t want to run down my phone battery, I always have this Anthology of American Literature, Volume II, 8th Edition that I took from Mlada a few years ago and still haven’t returned. I hauled this heavy thing in my carry-on, and finally cracked it on my return flight. I read a Henry James story, Daisy Miller, mostly because I think he’s mentioned as a favorite of Hugh Grant’s character in Notting Hill.

It was okay! Nineteenth century well-to-do social circles, Europeans and Americans, and so forth. And I learned that malaria was called “Roman Fever” back then, in Rome at least.

Was it better than reading Twitter, or my Feedly queue, or the articles linked within those platforms? It was certainly better than having a dead smartphone battery when I arrived back at my airport of origin. OF THAT I AM CERTAIN.

Saturday, April 26, 2014

This Desert Wife

I touched down in Tucson late on April 10 and listened to Sleater-Kinney’s “Jumper” as other passengers lumbered through the motions of deplaning. I composed a tweet I never sent: Did you ever think, “Why the hell are all these people flying to Tucson?”


For what I assume was the same price as a taxi, I had a driver meet me at baggage claim. He was dressed nice and held a placard with my name written on it and everything.


The desert air was noticeably more fragrant than what I was breathing on the plane and in the airport.


The driver told me what I wanted to know about the city, and asked Siri to confirm his estimate of the population of Nogales, on the border an hour south, as if I really wanted to exchange Nogales fact precision for my safety while he fiddled with his phone and the steering wheel. There was a deer crossing sign on the road, but he hadn’t seen one in years. He said a golfer fought off a bear a few years back.


It took me forever to find my hotel room. I dumped my luggage and went downstairs, and between the hotel lobby and the pool was Jeff, the groom, seated with friends around a fake bonfire on a “croquet green” of artificial grass.


* * *


I somewhat intentionally forgot to pack a swimsuit. Prior experiences with hotel pools have been less than exciting -- I get in and I splash around for a few minutes, and then I’m bored and I’m wondering how long I should stay in the water to make the rigamarole “worth it”. So I’ve nicely forced myself into a more authentic Arizona experience. On my second day, I leave the hotel oasis for the real desert.


I am terrified of being sunburned, though, so instead of one full trail hike, I spend about one hour on each. First, Ventana Canyon, and then Bear Canyon. I didn’t see any bears. But I did get to see a ton of rocks, and scorched earth, and I touched a saguaro cactus and thought about how my only prior experiences with cacti involved Looney Toons, and I felt the desert sun on my sunscreened skin, and I thought about old timey cowboys camping out in this bullshit, and I constantly thought about how many years these desert cities had left before the World Water Wars prompted their abandonment.





On my last night in town, I was in a somewhat warm hotel pool at 2 a.m. I rested my head on the concrete, and my direct line of view was a huge saguaro cactus in its 100th or so year of life, and the full moon above us. I appreciated that view appropriately, and then dripped up to my room for a fitful sleep while my lower right leg cramped.


* * *


Before we all enjoyed the pool, there was a dance, and before that a dinner, and before that a wedding. I was asked to prepare a reading, and given very few guidelines.


At my going-away party at Jeff’s apartment in 2003, he me a CD of Foghat’s greatest hits and told me to check out “Drivin’ Wheel”. We decided not to use the lyrics for the reading, but they do impart strong feelings of the marital love:
Feelin' good, can't be realMust be dreamin' 'bout my drivin' wheelRollin' on, drivin' onCome to me and rock me all night longWe've got a roll goin', too good to stopFlyin' high, we've got too far to dropEverybody needs somebody to loveI've got you and that's love enoughYou're my drivin' wheelYou're my drivin' wheelYou're my drivin' wheelPowerful love, steady rollMove my body and it rock my soulLet me ride, let me slideGot that lovin' feelin', way down insideYou got me walkin', goin' round and aroundYou got me talkin' but I can't hear a soundLove comes easy when the goin' is toughMay be crazy, I may be in loveYou're my drivin' wheel, yeahYou're my drivin' wheel, yeahYou're my drivin' wheel, yeahEvery night feelin' high, flyin' rightCan't believe all the love that I feelEasy rider, you're a love exciterYou're my love, you're my drivin' wheelYou're my drivin' wheelYou're my drivin' wheel, yeahYou're my drivin' wheelYou're my drivin' wheelKeep on drivin' me baby'Cause you're my drivin' wheelI love the way I feel'Cause you're my, 'cause you're my drivin' wheelLet me ride, let me slide, whooC'mon baby, give it to me babyYeah, we gotta ride, we gotta rideWe gotta ride, we gotta rideWe gotta ride, ride, ride, yeah


I know Jeff liked the music of Morphine, but I’m not an expert. I thought “The Night” had a lyric that was passable:
Unknown the unlit world of old, you're the sounds I never heard beforeOff the map where the wild things grow, another world outside my doorHere I stand I'm all alone, drive me down the pitch black roadLilah, you're my only home and I can't make it on my own


But I quickly narrowed my focus to F. Scott Fitzgerald. There was a “Tender is the Night” quote that was lovely but melancholy:
“Think how you love me," she whispered. "I don’t ask you to love me always like this, but I ask you to remember. Somewhere inside me there’ll always be the person I am to-night.”


There was a passage from “The Beautiful and Damned” about the protagonist’s future wife that was very complimentary but rang a bit hollow:
...as she talked and caught his eyes and turned her lovely head, she moved him as he had never been moved before....She was a sun, radiant, growing, gathering light and storing it--then after an eternity pouring it forth in a glance, the fragment of a sentence, to that part of him that cherished all beauty.


And there was a part of a Fitzgerald letter that was widely reproduced online - it was even in a Buzzfeed list of “12 Quotes That Make You Wish F. Scott Fitzgerald Would Write You A Love Letter.”:
I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self-respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it’s the beginning of everything.


It seemed promising, but I’m a jaded old man who doesn’t trust Buzzfeed’s journalistic precision, so I started to look deeper for the source of the quote. Luckily, “flaming self-respect” is not all that common a phrase, and Google Books led me to an expanded version of the letter. The passage was taken from a letter written to a friend (Isabelle Amorous, the sister of a classmate) after she inquired if Zelda and Scott had broken off their engagement, and advised Scott do so if he hadn’t yet:
No personality as strong as Zelda’s could go without getting criticisms and as you say she is not above reproach. I’ve always known that. Any girl who gets stewed in public, who frankly enjoys and tells shocking stories, who smokes constantly and makes the remark that she has “kissed thousands of men and intends to kiss thousands more,” cannot be considered beyond reproach even if above it. But Isabelle, I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity and her flaming self-respect and its these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all that she should be. But of course the real reason, Isabelle, is that I love her and that’s the beginning and end of everything. You’re still a Catholic, but Zelda’s the only God I have left now.


It was a nondenominational ceremony, but the last sentence felt too nondenominational to me, and Jeff was slightly concerned that the guests could be confused by the passage if it wasn’t set up properly. So while riding shotgun as Jeff picked up his tux and rented an amplifier, I typed a proper introduction. The reading was as follows:

When searching for the perfect piece of literature for this reading, after ruling out Foghat lyrics, I turned to Minnesota native F Scott Fitzgerald, who grew up a few blocks from the Grand Avenue apartment Jeff rented in Saint Paul.
F Scott Fitzgerald came into prominence during the 1920s, the Jazz Age, which is a term he actually coined. You probably remember him best as the author of the great American novel and horrible 3D movie "The Great Gatsby."
But before he became a successful author he was in the army, stationed in Alabama, and that was how he met Zelda. Zelda was not a proper Southern Belle. She was locally famous for being bold, outspoken, and unconventional; she flirted and drank and danced the Charleston.
In fact, her reputation was so notorious that a friend of Fitzgerald's wrote to him to voice her concerns about their engagement. The following is taken from the letter Fitzgerald wrote in response, where he explains why he wants to marry Zelda, despite her perceived faults:

No personality as strong as Zelda’s could go without getting criticisms and as you say she is not above reproach. I’ve always known that. Any girl who gets stewed in public, who frankly enjoys and tells shocking stories, who smokes constantly and makes the remark that she has “kissed thousands of men and intends to kiss thousands more,” cannot be considered beyond reproach even if above it. But I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity and her flaming self-respect and its these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicious that she wasn’t all that she should be. But of course the real reason is that I love her, and that’s the beginning and end of everything.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

March Madness Fantasy 2014 - Final Results

Welp, Gav won, and it wasn’t very close.


Gav 709


Dan 654.5

Joe 569.5

Brian 539

Bob 534

Ben 501

Chuck 460
Chris 423.5

Shawn 360
 

Stu 234



Dan’s Michael Frazier II/Frank Kaminsky combo totalled only 19 points in their Final Four losses, while Gav’s Traevon Jackson scored 18 himself in that Wisconsin loss. That kid totaled 102 points for Gav, his second-highest scorer. What a load of bullshit. This undersized PG with an awful-looking shot (how do you shoot with that motion when your dad played for the NBA? Did his nanny teach him to shoot?) repeatedly failed Wisconsin. Against Arizona, he took a final shot twice and missed both times, and he missed the bank shot winner against Kentucky. Frankly, he should be penalized for those misses, like, 25 points each. And why is Bo Ryan so determined to have the starter with the lowest FG% take those final shots? Yeesh.
Julius Randle had his two worst games of the tourney to finish out, and still amassed 32 and 29.5 points, more than enough to push Gav over the 700-point barrier and into an epic victory. Randle was the highest-scoring player of the entire tourney, thanks to his 1.5x bonus multiplier, and his 239.5 points was just over one-third of Gav’s team’s total. It’s the most points a player has ever had using our scoring system. The previous bonus point bests were Cleanthony Early ( Wichita State 2013, 190) and Omar Samhan (St Mary’s 2010, 161).


Jarnell Stokes of Tennessee also beat these historical records with his 193.5 points.


Shabazz was the highest-scoring player who didn’t earn the 1.5x bonus, with 181. That’s just shy of the record 196 that Kemba Walker put up in his 2011 championship run and the 194 that Anthony Davis put up in his 2012 championship run.

Only two of the top thirty scorers were first-round picks: Gordon and Johnson of Arizona.





Gav’s 709 total points is second all-time to Bob’s magical 2010 tourney, when he had 717.5 points by owning Final Four players Devin Ebanks, Gordon Hayward, and Nolan Smith.


Stu’s 234 points was the second-lowest team total of all time, since Zach was allowed to play. In 2010 he had 229 points, with zero players who reached the Sweet Sixteen.

The average score compiled for all players on the spreadsheet was 45, and the median was 36. For bonus players most likely to be drafted - those playing for teams seeded between 8 and 12, the average was 56, and the median was 43. For those playing for teams seeded between 1 and 4, the average was 52, and the median was 49.


Just so I can more easily find the historical data next year, I'm pasting it below.

2012-13
1st Bob 653
2nd Brian G 650
last Shawn 389.5

Top Scorers
Obs OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER SCHOOL SEED TOTAL_SCORE
1 . . Cleanthony Early Wichita State 9 190.0
2 . . Malcolm Armstead Wichita State 9 168.0
3 . . Mitch McGary Michigan 4 167.0
4 . . Ramon Galloway La Salle 13 160.5
5 Peter 1 1 Russ Smith Louisville 1 155.0
6 Bobby 2 11 Trey Burke Michigan 4 146.0
7 Gavin 6 54 Carl Hall Wichita State 9 140.5
8 . . Tyrone Garland La Salle 13 126.0
9 . . Sherwood Brown Florida Gulf Coast 15 123.5
10 BrianG 4 36 Tim Hardaway Jr. Michigan 4 122.0


2011-12
1st Chris 646
2nd Charlie 607
last Peter 392.5
Top Scorers
Obs OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER SCHOOL SEED TOTAL_SCORE
1 Charlie 1 2 Anthony Davis Kentucky 1 194.0
2 Shawn 1 1 Thomas Robinson KU 2 172.0
3 Shawn 2 16 Jared Sullinger Ohio St 2 139.0
4 Charlie 4 31 Deshaun Thomas Ohio St 2 137.0
5 Peter 1 8 Terrence Jones Kentucky 1 132.0
6 Chris 5 37 Tu Holloway Xavier 10 117.0
7 . . Lorenzo Brown NC St 11 115.0
8 Dan 1 4 Tyler Zeller UNC 1 114.0
9 . . Walter Offutt Ohio 13 113.0
10 Chris 4 28 Jeff Withey KU 2 111.0


2010-11
1st James 573
2nd BrianG 539
last Peter 388

Top Scorers
Obs Owner Round Selection Player School Seed TOTAL_SCORE
. . Bradford Burgess VCU 11 197.0
2 James 1 6 Kemba Walker Connecticut 3 196.0
3 . . Jamie Skeen VCU 11 185.0
4 . . Shelvin Mack Butler 8 149.0
5 Charlie 3 20 Tyler Zeller North Carolina 2 146.0
6 . . Joey Rodriguez VCU 11 137.5
7 . . Jeremy Lamb Connecticut 3 134.0
8 . . Matt Howard Butler 8 132.0
9 . . Brandon Rozzell VCU 11 128.0
10 Brian 3 21 Derrick Williams Arizona 5 122.0


2009-10

1st Bob 717.5
2nd Shawn 630
last Zach 229

Top Scorers
Obs OWNER ROUND SELECTION PLAYER SCHOOL SEED TOTAL_SCORE
1 Gavin 3 20 Omar Samhan C STMRY 10 161.0
2 Shawn 1 8 Kyle Singler F DUKE 1 157.0
3 Charlie 1 7 Jon Scheyer G DUKE 1 136.0
4 Bobby 7 51 Gordon Hayward G-F BUT 5 134.0
5 Bobby 3 19 Nolan Smith G DUKE 1 134.0
6 . . Shelvin Mack G BUT 5 127.0
7 . . Louis Dale G CORN 12 118.0
8 . . Durrell Summers G MSU 5 117.0
9 Charlie 2 10 Da'Sean Butler F WVU 2 111.0
10 Gavin 2 13 Jacob Pullen G KSU 2 110.0

2008-09
Not too sure but I think I took first because I grabbed Blake Griffin with the #1 overall pick?








Monday, March 31, 2014

March Madness Fantasy 2014 - Elite 8 Results


First, let’s talk about the Sweet Sixteen round. 



Ben had two top performers, both in losing efforts. As predicted, Hogue did benefit from Niang’s absence, and scored a lot of points in a loss for Joe, who also got a big Branden Dawson performance. Stu owned two of the worst players, with Brady Heslip and Keith Appling combining for 10 points. Appling may be the turd of the tourney. Nine drafted players scored fewer points than him, but almost all of them only lasted one game. Drafted #21 overall, he scored 21 points over 4 games, including zero points in the Elite 8 game (due to subtraction for turnovers); that’s the same point total Shane Southwell earned in this tourney. That stinks, and that’s why he’s the Turd of the Tourney ©.


Gav had two of the seven top studs in the Elite Eight.


Overall, 6 of the top 10 scorers so far were owned players, and Dan had two of them. 


Unfortunately for him, he drafted two huge duds: Sean Kilpatrick and Kendall Williams, who combined for 29 points in their first-round exits. 



Gav picked 4 Elite Eight players, like Dan, and his worst pick was a bonus player who grabbed 29.5 points in his loss. 


So, combining those “good” bad picks with Julius Randle, bonus point earner extraordinaire who should become the overall top point scorer on Saturday, Gav in the driver’s seat to win this thing. (This marks the second straight year that Gav has picked a 1.5x-earning player who reached the Final Four; last year he had Wichita State’s Carl Hall.)

What an amazing draft for Gavin. Let’s remember - this guy put together a stud-filled team against all odds. He was on his phone because he couldn’t find his girlfriend’s wifi password, and eating dinner, and not comprehending which players were already drafted and which were still available. This could be the greatest evidence yet that an infinite number of monkeys working for an infinite number of years would type the works of Shakespeare.

Dan 635.5
Gav 629.5

Despite being 6 points behind, Vegas favors Gavin to win it all. Randle’s bonus earnings are an obvious advantage. Dan needs Randle to break his leg, get caught doing something so incredibly illegal that the school or NCAA would suspend him, or even just play basketball very poorly -- something that would cause Wisconsin to advance to the final. However, while Dan’s best scorer, Frank Kaminsky, accumulates points, so will Gav’s other remaining player, point guard Traevon Jackson, his final pick of the draft. 

Dan’s other remaining player, Michael Frazier II, is not one of Florida’s primary threats, and though he has scored a high of 19 in this tourney and a high of 37 (11/18 3-pointers!) this season, he is likely to add only 10 or 12 points per remaining game.



The remaining standings:
 
Joe 547.5
Both Michigan State players reached the 100 point plateau. If Sam Dekker is the only person on the court for the next two games, victory is within reach for Joe.


Ben 501
All out of active players, since Gav drafted all the good ones for himself and picked Ben a team full of Average Adams.


Bob 493
My 'Zona bro did pretty well considering he entered my house minutes before the draft began, and his research took place while waiting for Gav to make his picks.


Brian 485
I thought Daniels over Boatright was a bad choice, but Daniels has been great, scoring 25 more points than the UConn guard.



Chuck 455
Not a lot to say, Chuck. Three really good players was not enough. Not even close. Tyler Ennis is going pro, though, so that should be good for a laugh.



Chris 370.5
Hey, so it didn't work out. Shabazz Napier, though!



Shawn 340
The difference between the first Florida player selected, Prather (#2 overall), and the last, Michael Frazier II (#25 overall), is 6 points. A great team with balanced scoring, folks.
 


Stu 234
Yuck. Gross. Hope you had fun, Stu! Better luck next year!


Here is a graph that kinda makes sense. This is among all players on the spreadsheet, so basically all decent players from all seeds, drafted or not. You can see that the median score is 36, so if you drafted anyone that scored less than that you've got a loser on your team.


I will post the final results on Tuesday, after Monday's championship.